Rock’n’Roll in Locker Seventeen has it all: mystery, intrigue, humor, great characters, a flaming skull lunchbox, plenty of plot twists, and a really nice classic Corvette. All it needs right now is a literary agent and a publisher. I’m not saying it has to be a major player of the Random House/Harper Collins/Doubleday variety (though if you work in one of these houses, shoot me an email. I will kiss up to you, even if you are the mailroom’s assistant janitor.) All I want is a bona-fide publishing house who will distribute my book through Ingram or another big distributor. It’s not that I am picky; it’s just that I have not yet arrived at the stage where I am willing to hawk my book on this website (Hi mom!) or at the county fair in between the funnel cakes and the booth selling blu-blocker sunglasses.
So trust me on this one: Rock’n’Roll in Locker Seventeen is the next Harry Potter. Just take Harry Potter and make him a cynical Indiana teenager with no magical abilities, or lightning bolt scar. Instead of the overdone orphan thing give this Harry some parents and make his Firebolt a '79 station wagon with an AM radio. You will soon see that Hogwart’s Wizardiing school is a cakewalk compared to the overly defined social structure that makes up Delacourte High. (Poor Harry would never fit in with the popular clique.)

You know what, I’m starting to think maybe Rock’n’Roll in Locker Seventeen is not the next Harry Potter at all. No, no I’m pretty sure it’s the next Cujo.

Don’t you want to be the company who publishes the book Sandra Brown thinks is hilarious? That’s right Sandra Brown has laughed out loud many many times while reading about Steven White and his exploits. We all know who Sandra Brown is. No she didn’t write Fat Tuesday, Exclusive, or French Kiss. She’s an enrolled agent in Northern California. Not only does she have great taste in literature, but she does a mean Schedule D, I highly recommend her for all your income tax needs.

So if you are tired of the same old chick lit books about New York City Prada wearing lawyers with magical powers who get trapped on nuclear Russian submarines alongside rabid St. Bernards while their once loving husbands cheat on them and frame them for murder as they try to unravel mysterious conspiracies that may lead all the way to the White House, then you should publish Rock’n’Roll in Locker Seventeen. Everybody and their cousin will buy a hardcover copy. Then you will get rich and I will get rich and we will all be happy. It’s a win-win situation.

Oh and I forgot to mention: I will go on book tours. Lots and lots of book tours. Well as long as you don’t send me on some scary Greyhound Bus to stations in the bad part of every metropolitan U.S. city. As far as the Today show and other media outlet’s go, I can assure you that I am a polished, confidant interviewee. Really I swear, the bathroom mirror does not lie.